Sweet Child O’ Mine

Sweet child, whispered. I welcomed you into this world with pain and anger. How did I? My womb was a machine feeding this monster they called marriage. Where was he when I needed him? When I pained? But there you were, sweet boy. I did not remember how you grew up, never did. I fed you. I held you in my hands. I might have given you a few haircuts, held your right hand when you were learning to write. Or, did I? I know I have disciplined you. I wanted you to learn how tough this world was, and how it made me. I wanted you to know the pain I felt, whispered. I have supported you. I showed you hard work. I hit you so your body would obey and last, whispered, so you became better. Better than them I never met. I yelled so you could hear better. My love was harsh on you, sweet child. There was no need to practice such. You had enough. I needed time, my own space, and healing that never came. Now that you’ve suddenly grown up so perfectly, the way I wanted it, I am proud. I am sorry I did not hit you harder, scold you harsher. Now that you are afar, o’ mine.

Sweet child, understood. I made you. She and I did. Darn, I remember that day you were born. Where was I, again? Surely I was busy. But there you were, sweet boy. I trained you, as I recall. I let you see for yourself what you needed to learn. I listened and stared at you. Your nightly howl at the door I allowed, until your sister was done indulging. I kept you on my watch. Your brother shall toughen you up where he could strike you. You just had to remain silent and give way. I allowed them to steal what you had. I left you in darkness so you studied your mistakes. Yes, I did not know. Now look at you, sweet child. Like your mother, I am proud. I trained you like no other father, understood. What you have learnt must have come from my bottomless well of wisdom. You are a man, see. I am sorry I did not scare you more, threaten you even more. Enjoy it as I do, now that you are a man, o’ mine.

O’ mine, and so I have finally examined. Children of mine, I will love you. The bloody love I bought for free I will pour on you. Before you know how far we all have fallen, I will teach you why. Before you lose it, I will show you the way. I will kiss you just to let you know. I will hold you close, under the sun and the rain. You can ask me questions as you may think I know the answers to everything. You can tell me anything you cannot tell anybody else. I will teach you how to run unlike a boy, my champion. I will guide you with your stories, my princess. I will count each day like it is the last so you know you have me. I will protect you in this battlefield so you can make it through.

Shame on me if I strike you. Pity on me if I neglect you. Stupid of me if I don’t listen to you. Remind this old man, when you need him.

O’ mine, until the end. Children of mine, go away with my wisdom. Tell them of my weaknesses. Tell them enough that you may learn not to. Write down what I have done for you because you may keep it between us. Protect those secrets you have with your own. Sweet children o’ mine, truly I have loved you.